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====== Projekt Barjokes ======
{{tag>project nonsense}}

Gesucht werden Witze nach dem Motto "XYZ walks into a bar".

====== Sammlung ======

  * A SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to them and says 'Can I join you?'
  * A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "How about a drink?" The bartender says, "Sure, the toilet is right down the hall." 
  * A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wanna hear a good joke?" The corn stalk says, "I'm all ears!"
  * A dyslexic guy walks into a bra. 
  * An IPv6 packet walks into a bar. Nobody talks to him.
  * An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, club, nightclub, pub, watering hole, katy perry, lady gaga
  * A TCP packet walks in to a bar and says "I want a beer", barman says "you want a beer?", and the TCP packet says "yes, a beer".
  * "Do you have the flux compensator I asked you for?" - "Yes, here you are." - A man walks into a bar to see a friend.
  * A neutrino walks into a crowded bar straight to the counter. "Sorry you have to queue up like anybody else."
  * A man walks into a bar. "Ouch".
  * Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says "Those horse-face jokes are mean and insensitive. What'll you have?"
  * An infectious disease walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve infectious diseases here." And the infectious disease says, "Well you're not a very good host."
  * Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here." And the bacteria says, "But we work here. We're staph." 
  * A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?" 
  * A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts".
  * A Comic Sans font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!
  * A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yeah, you can get this guy off my butt!"
  * Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks. 
  * A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Do you want a long neck?" The giraffe says, "Do I have a choice?"
  * A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Can I have a bag of helicopter flavor chips?" The barkeep says, "Sorry, we only have plain."
  * A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "What do you call that?", asks the bartender. "I call him Tiny, because he's my newt!"
  * A pregnant woman walks into a bar, and is soon approached by a guy who says, "Can I sit here with you? She says, "No, I'm expecting someone."
  * A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Please, no stories!"
  * A giraffe walks into a bar. "High balls are on me!" 
  * A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar.
  * Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
  * A leprechaun walks into a bar. The bartender serves him and says, "That'll be $2.50." The leprechaun puts two dollar bills on the bar and starts walking away. The barkeep shouts, "You're a little short!"
  * A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." and the mushroom says - "Why not? I'm a fungi."
  * A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender "Hey, what's that all about?" The bartender replies, "Don't take it personally, he never says 'Hi' to anyone." 
  * An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"
  * A greyhound walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" 
  * A pony walks into a bar and coughs, "Hey, COUGH. Gimme a bu COUGH a beer COUGH. The bartender serves him and says, "What's with your voice?" The pony says, "Nothing, I'm just a little hoarse." 
  * A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!" 
  * A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"
  * An old lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. A scraggly old drunk staggers over, takes one look, and says, "Jeeeez, that's the UGLIEST thing I ever saw!" The woman turns her nose up at him and says, "This happens to be a stately creature! Go away, you horrid man!" The old drunk yells, "Lady, I was talkin' to the duck!"
  * An old lady walks into a bar. A scraggly old drunk staggers over, takes one look, and says, "Jeeeez, that's the UGLIEST thing I ever saw!" The woman turns her nose up at him and says, "You are drunk!". "Yes, but tomorrow I'll be sober again."
  * A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?" The rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot." 
  * King Kong cums in a bar. Everybody swim for their lives.
  * A man runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Give me ten shots of your best whisky." The bartender sets up the ten glasses. The man starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them. The bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?" "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Seventy cents."
  * A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
  * A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre". So the bartender gave her one. 
  * A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home." 
  * A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
  * A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?"
  * A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand." 
  * A man walks into a English pub and asks how much for a pint of Adenosine Triphosphate. The bartender says "That's 80p."
  * After a long's day work, two termites crawl into a tavern for a drink. The tiredest one asks the waiter, "Is the bar tender, here?" The waiter answers, " I wooden know." His buddy, ticked off at the bad pun, beats him to a pulp, until the tired one passes out and starts to saw logs. 
  *  A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
  * A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
  * A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
  * A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer......and some of those peanuts." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"
  *  A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?" 
  * A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?" 
  * Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"
  * Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
  * A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?". The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog."
  * A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "No, I never thought the parrot would sell the place."
  * A cowboy walks into a bar. Upon leaving, he realizes that someone has painted his horse. The cowboy yells, "Which one of you painted my horse?" A seven foot tall hulk of a man says, menacingly, "I did." The cowboy realizes he is in trouble and replies, "Why, thank you - the first coat's dry!"
  * A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."
  * A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, "I just did that." The big guy then beats the little guy up.
  * A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop." 
  * A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
  * A naked girl with really big breasts walks into a bar. Now everybody's all ears.
  * A brain walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The barman says, "I'm not serving you, you're out of your skull!"
  * A crow walks into a bar wearing a pearl necklace. He orders a drink. "I've never seen a crow wearing a pearl necklace before", says the barkeep. "What do you expect with basic black?", says the crow. 
  * An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!
  * A snake walks into a bar. Waaaa?
  * A Canadian guy walks into a bar, on the stool next to him is some footwear. The says to the bartender, "What's this - a boot?" 
  *  A drunk walks into a bar pulling a huge anchor chain. The bartender says, "What are you doing, dragging that huge chain into my bar?" The drunk says, "Did you ever try pushing one?"
  * A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
  * An inkjet cartridge walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you sure you don't need a refill?"
  * A hooker walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you sure you don't need a refill?"
  * A baseball walks into a bar, and the bartender throws him out.
  * A Mormon walks into a bar. Wait, no. That will never happen.
  * A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?" 
  * A urologist walks into a bar and sits down. "What'll ya have?" the bartender asks. "That Depends. I'm kinda of pissed off today." "Well," says the bartender, "why don't you go with the flow and order a light beer. That way you can recycle your own refills." The urologist answers, "Oh, not to worry, I can afford to buy everyone here a drink." "Oh," says the bar keep, "then urine in the money?"
  * A dead battery walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Are you positive you want one?" the bartender asks. The dead battery answers, "Yep! and charge it too!" I An older gentleman walks into a bar with an attractive, 21 year old girlfriend on his arm. As he orders their drinks, bar patrons in yell "Pedophile! Pedophile!" in jealous anger. The bartender says, "Don't mind them, they're just envious." The gentleman says, "Okay, but they are completely ruining our 10th anniversary!"
  * Infinity mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer. The bartender rolls his eyes and pours two beers and says, Here, you guys work it out.
  * A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve superconductors here." The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
  * A Higgs-Boson walks into a church. The priest says "Higgs-Bosons aren't allowed in here." The Higgs-Boson says, "But without me, how can you have mass?"
  * A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve neutrinos in here." The neutrino says "Naw, I was just passing through." 
  * A doctor walks into the bar and orders an MRI. The bartender asks, "What's an MRI?" The doctor says,"More Rum Inside." The bartender mixes him up a strong rum drink, sets it down in front of him, and says, "That will be $250." "What!" says the doctor, "why so expensive?" The bartender answers, "That's the deductible." 
  * An astronaut walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and then peppers him with questions about his job. Finally, the frustrated space man says, "Heh! I'm trying to relax here! Give me a little space!" The bartender answers, "Is that Uranus your Saturn on?"
  * An fish walks into a bar and orders a scotch and water and tells the bartender to, "Hold the scotch, and bring it in a large bowl." 
  * A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work. 
  * A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7 and 2." 
  * A girl walks into a bar in the Castro section of San Fransico, wearing nothing but a smile, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender tells her, "you may want to cover up first." She gets huffy and says, "What's the matter, you don't approve of the City's clothing optional policy?" The bartender says, "No, I'm fine with it, its just that the guy before you was itching and scratching the whole time!"
  * An electrician walks into a bar all amped up and is shocked when the bartender refuses him regular service. 
  * A guy walks into a bar right at quitting time and orders one drink after another. The bartender gets concerned and asks the guy, "Problems at work, pal?" The guy says "Yeah; I'm a personal trainer at Planet Fitness and they let me go today because they said 'I just wasn't working out.'".
  * An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women." The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
  * A spook and a skeleton both walk into a bar and order drinks. Right off the bartender refuses the skeleton service. "Heh, why me?" asks the skeleton. The barkeep relies, "Because you can't hold your liquor!" He then turns to the spook and says, "There's not a ghost of a chance I will serve you, either!" "Careful," says the spook "that could come back to haunt you!" 
  * A man walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he notices Van Gogh by the jukebox. He calls over, Hey, Van Gogh! Want a drink? and Van Gogh replies No, thanks. Ive got one ere.
  *  A woman walks into bar and sits next to a handsome man. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together, and go back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that a wall in his bedroom is completely filled with three shelves of soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears on three shelves carefully placed in rows and lovingly arranged. She is immediately touched by the amount of thought he had in organizing his collection, with the small bears on the bottom and the huge enormous bears along the top shelf. That such as large, masculine man should be so caring and sensitive it beyond belief. They share a bottle of wine and talk and after awhile, she thinks, 'Oh my God! maybe this is the one! The future father of my children?' They kiss, the passion builds and they make their way back to the bedroom for a night of mad passionate lovemaking. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they lie there together in the warm afterglow and she gently asks while stroking his hairy chest, 'Well, how was it?' The sensitive guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says, 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!'
  * A lesbian walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a new liquor in today!" The lesbian says, "That's great! I'd love to meet her!"
  * A really big Chia pet walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Whatll it be?" The Chia pet says, "Anything but water!"
  * An anagramist walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the clean fog?"
  * A drunk walks into a bar and the bartender asks me what I want. 
  * Two vegetarians walk into a bar and order drinks. Pretty soon they start arguing loudly about beans, really, and the bartender steps into settle it. "Heh," he says, "I've got no beef with either of you! Just soy long as neither of you hold a grudge, why don't you just end it now since there's not much at steak?" They both agreed and left, saying "Lettuce meat again next week over brunch." 
  * Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies, "I think not", then disappeared.
  * Heisenberg was also sitting at the bar. After Descartes vanished in a puff of smoke, the bartender walked over to him and asked, "Did you see that?" Heisenberg replied, "I can't be certain." 
  * The bartender then noticed Einstein was there. So he asked him if he could believe what had happened. Einstein replied, "It's all relative."
  * Carl Sagan was there. He walked over to him and asked, "Can you believe that all these famous people are here in THIS bar?" Sagan replied, "No. Why, there must be BILLIONS and BILLIONS of bars out there."
  * Meanwhile, Gustav Hertz was having such a great time, that he promised to return in the future at a much greater frequency. 
  * Robert Boyle commented that he thought everyone was under too much pressure to come up with an answer to what was happening.
  * Erwin Schroedinger tried to explain that in the absence of an observer, Decartes left but at the same time did not leave. 
  * Alexander Volta disagreed stating there was a potential difference between his staying or going. 
  * James Watt had had a bad day and said he had come in just to let off a little steam.
  * Charles Darwin was waiting to see what would evolve. 
  * Thomas Edison stated that he found the whole thing illuminating. 
  * Andre Ampere helped the bartender ascertain that all the statements were kept current.
  * Eli Whitney said, "I believe I will have another gin."
  * Sir Isaac Newton pondered the gravity of the situation.
  * Robert Goddard said the situation was not rocket science. 
  * Archimedes didn't participate. He was out having a screw.
  * Georg Ohm, though he resisted answering, did provide a tasty treat for the crowd. Everyone loved Ohm's Slaw. 
  * Max Karl Ernst Ludwig Planck thought it a constant drain of energy to contemplate the disappearance. 
  * Gaston Plante thought Descartes should be put in a cell for battery.
  * William Sturgeon and Joseph Henry made a good gauss at where Descartes had gone.
  * Johann Salomo, Christoph Schweigger, and Jacques Arsene d'Arsonval were galvanized into instant action. 
  * Both Mr. and Mrs. Curie thought that Descartes had a radiating personality, even after his disappearance.
  * Nicola Tesla re-coiled at the sight. 
  * A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, I'll have a martinus. The bartender asks him. Don't you mean martini? The man tells the bartender, Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them.
  * An IPv4 address space walks into a bar: "A strong CIDR please, I'm exhausted."
  * Three notes walk into a bar  a G, an E flat, and a C. The bartender looks up and says, "We dont serve minors". So the E flat leaves and the other two have a fifth between them.
  * A digger runs into a bar. But they don't serve minors.
  * UDP packet walks into a bar. The bartender doesn't acknowledge him.
  * An Atom walks into a bar. He looks at the bartender and says, I just lost an electron, The bartender says, Are you sure? The Atom replies, Yeah, I'm positive
  * Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve noble gases here." The helium doesn't react.
  * An IR-Photon goes into a bar: "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
  * Guy walks into a bar and sits at a table. Tells the waitress, "I'll have a Bloody Mary and a menu." When she returns with his drink, he asks "Still servin' breakfast?" When she says Yes, he replies, "Then I'll have two eggs-runny on top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon ON END-well done on one end and still raw on the other, two pieces of burnt toast and a cold cup of coffee." Indignantly the waitress says, "We don't serve that kinda stuff in here!" Guy says, "Funny... that's what I had in here yesterday..."
  * A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."!
  * A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last one in the and does the same. The bartender asks him, "Why did you do that?" And the guy replies, " Well the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!"
  * A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor are sitting in a bar, across the street from a brothel. They are sipping their drinks when they see a rabbi walk in to the brothel. "Oy! It's awful to see a man of the cloth give into temptation", says the rabbi. A short while later, they see a pastor walk into the brothel. "Damn! It's terrible to see a man of the cloth give into such temptation", says the pastor.  In a little bit, they see a priest enter the brothel.  "It's nice to see the ladies, who have been used so poorly, have time to confess their sins", says the priest.
  * A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.  "Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!" "In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!" "That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!" "Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?" "Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"
  * So a guy walks into a bar, looking really moody and orders immediately a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says: "You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the other guys in here only have compliments about your wife."
  * A skunk walks into a bar and he says, "Hey where did everybody go?"
  * A potato walks into a bar and all eyes were on him!
  * Two guys are sitting at a bar. One guy says to the other, "Do you know that lions have sex 10 or 15 times a night?". The other guy says, "Damn, I just joined the Rotary Club."
  * A termite walks into a bar and says is the bartender here?
  * A hamburger and a french fry walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve food here"
  * A guy walks into a bar. There's nobody there except the bartender and a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. The man says, "I'm buying that woman a drink." The bartender says, "You don't want to do that. She's a lesbian." The man says, "I don't care, give the drink." After the woman gets the drink, she raises the glass to her benefactor. The man strolls over to her. He says, "Hi. I'm Bill Williams from Terre Haute. So how are things in Beirut?"
  * What do you call a Bohemian that gets thrown out of a bar? - A bounced Czech
  * A Monsanto sales guy walks into a bar. "Next round's up to me!".
  * A nonrenewable natural resource walks in to a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey. The bar tender says "sorry friend, I cant serve YOU; you have been getting wasted all day long!"
  * So, Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Okay, I'll serve you a beer, just don't get any ideas."
  * So.... a baby seal walked into a club...
  * An amnesiac walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you today?" The amnesiac says, "I don't know, I have trouble remembering things." The bartender says, "Like what?"
  * A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "how's it going?" "Okay, I guess. Holding my own." "That's good." replied the bartender. "You'd get arrested if you held someone elses." 
  * So Jesus walks into a bar and says, "I'll just have a glass of water."
  * A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he can show him something unbelievable, he gets a free beer? The bartender says alright. So the man puts a hamster and two frogs on the bar and all of a sudden the two frogs jump up and start into a Broadway medley. Well, a man at the end of the bar said, "That's amazing, I'll give you $1,000 for the frogs." The man agreed the guy took off. The bartender said to him, "You could have gotten more for the frogs." The man said, "Frogs are easy to come by, the hamster's a ventriloquist."
  * A guy walks into a bar and pulls a tiny grand piano out of his pocket. Then he pulls out a little guy who site down and begins to play. "Where'd ya get that?" bartender asks. "I have a magic bottle; you rub it and get a wish," customer replies. Customer agrees to let bartender try it, and pulls a grungy old whiskey bottle from his pocket. Bartender rubs it, and the room fills up with ducks, flying everywhere. "I didn't wish for a million 'ducks'," says bartender. "So, did you think I wished for a ten-inch pianist?" responds customer
  * Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.  Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.  Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
  * Guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes" Man at the end of the bar says" I object to that remark". Guy says "Why, are you a lawyer?" Man says "No, I'm an A-hole"
  * Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.