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--- projects:barjokes [2012-02-25 12:29] – 109.192.98.64
+++ projects:barjokes [2012-03-02 16:36] – 109.192.98.64
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 ====== Projekt Barjokes ======
+{{tag>project nonsense}}
 Gesucht werden Witze nach dem Motto "XYZ walks into a bar".
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   * A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?"
   * A urologist walks into a bar and sits down. "What'll ya have?" the bartender asks. "That Depends. I'm kinda of pissed off today." "Well," says the bartender, "why don't you go with the flow and order a light beer. That way you can recycle your own refills." The urologist answers, "Oh, not to worry, I can afford to buy everyone here a drink." "Oh," says the bar keep, "then urine in the money?"
-  * A dead battery walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Are you positive you want one?" the bartender asks. The dead battery answers, "Yep! and charge it too!" I
+  * A dead battery walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Are you positive you want one?" the bartender asks. The dead battery answers, "Yep! and charge it too!" I An older gentleman walks into a bar with an attractive, 21 year old girlfriend on his arm. As he orders their drinks, bar patrons in yell "Pedophile! Pedophile!" in jealous anger. The bartender says, "Don't mind them, they're just envious." The gentleman says, "Okay, but they are completely ruining our 10th anniversary!"
-  An older gentleman walks into a bar with an attractive, 21 year old girlfriend on his arm. As he orders their drinks, bar patrons in yell "Pedophile! Pedophile!" in jealous anger. The bartender says, "Don't mind them, they're just envious." The gentleman says, "Okay, but they are completely ruining our 10th anniversary!"
   * Infinity mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer. The bartender rolls his eyes and pours two beers and says, Here, you guys work it out.
   * A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve superconductors here." The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
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   * A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."!
   * A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last one in the and does the same. The bartender asks him, "Why did you do that?" And the guy replies, " Well the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!"
-  * A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor are sitting in a bar, across the street from a brothel. They are sipping their drinks when they see a rabbi walk in to the brothel. "Oy! It's awful to see a man of the cloth give into temptation", says the rabbi.
+  * A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor are sitting in a bar, across the street from a brothel. They are sipping their drinks when they see a rabbi walk in to the brothel. "Oy! It's awful to see a man of the cloth give into temptation", says the rabbi. A short while later, they see a pastor walk into the brothel. "Damn! It's terrible to see a man of the cloth give into such temptation", says the pastor.  In a little bit, they see a priest enter the brothel.  "It's nice to see the ladies, who have been used so poorly, have time to confess their sins", says the priest.
-  A short while later, they see a pastor walk into the brothel. "Damn! It's terrible to see a man of the cloth give into such temptation", says the pastor.
+  * A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.  "Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!" "In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!" "That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!" "Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?" "Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"
-  In a little bit, they see a priest enter the brothel.
+  * So a guy walks into a bar, looking really moody and orders immediately a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says: "You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the other guys in here only have compliments about your wife."
-  "It's nice to see the ladies, who have been used so poorly, have time to confess their sins", says the priest.
+  * A skunk walks into a bar and he says, "Hey where did everybody go?"
-  * A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.
+  * A potato walks into a bar and all eyes were on him!
-    "Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"
+  * Two guys are sitting at a bar. One guy says to the other, "Do you know that lions have sex 10 or 15 times a night?". The other guy says, "Damn, I just joined the Rotary Club."
-    "In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"
+  * A termite walks into a bar and says is the bartender here?
-    "That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free
+  * A hamburger and a french fry walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve food here"
-    -- and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"
+  * A guy walks into a bar. There's nobody there except the bartender and a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. The man says, "I'm buying that woman a drink." The bartender says, "You don't want to do that. She's a lesbian." The man says, "I don't care, give the drink." After the woman gets the drink, she raises the glass to her benefactor. The man strolls over to her. He says, "Hi. I'm Bill Williams from Terre Haute. So how are things in Beirut?"
-  "Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"
+  * What do you call a Bohemian that gets thrown out of a bar? - A bounced Czech
-  "Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"
+  * A Monsanto sales guy walks into a bar. "Next round's up to me!".
+  * A nonrenewable natural resource walks in to a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey. The bar tender says "sorry friend, I cant serve YOU; you have been getting wasted all day long!"
+  * So, Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Okay, I'll serve you a beer, just don't get any ideas."
+  * So.... a baby seal walked into a club...
+  * An amnesiac walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you today?" The amnesiac says, "I don't know, I have trouble remembering things." The bartender says, "Like what?"
+  * A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "how's it going?" "Okay, I guess. Holding my own." "That's good." replied the bartender. "You'd get arrested if you held someone elses."
+  * So Jesus walks into a bar and says, "I'll just have a glass of water."
+  * A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he can show him something unbelievable, he gets a free beer? The bartender says alright. So the man puts a hamster and two frogs on the bar and all of a sudden the two frogs jump up and start into a Broadway medley. Well, a man at the end of the bar said, "That's amazing, I'll give you $1,000 for the frogs." The man agreed the guy took off. The bartender said to him, "You could have gotten more for the frogs." The man said, "Frogs are easy to come by, the hamster's a ventriloquist."
+  * A guy walks into a bar and pulls a tiny grand piano out of his pocket. Then he pulls out a little guy who site down and begins to play. "Where'd ya get that?" bartender asks. "I have a magic bottle; you rub it and get a wish," customer replies. Customer agrees to let bartender try it, and pulls a grungy old whiskey bottle from his pocket. Bartender rubs it, and the room fills up with ducks, flying everywhere. "I didn't wish for a million 'ducks'," says bartender. "So, did you think I wished for a ten-inch pianist?" responds customer
+  * Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.  Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.  Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"
+  * Guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes" Man at the end of the bar says" I object to that remark". Guy says "Why, are you a lawyer?" Man says "No, I'm an A-hole"
+  * Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.