projects:barjokes
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Beide Seiten der vorigen RevisionVorhergehende ÜberarbeitungNächste Überarbeitung | Vorhergehende ÜberarbeitungNächste ÜberarbeitungBeide Seiten der Revision | ||
projects:barjokes [2012-02-24 13:56] – 141.31.111.1 | projects:barjokes [2012-03-02 16:36] – 109.192.98.64 | ||
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====== Projekt Barjokes ====== | ====== Projekt Barjokes ====== | ||
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Gesucht werden Witze nach dem Motto "XYZ walks into a bar". | Gesucht werden Witze nach dem Motto "XYZ walks into a bar". | ||
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* A TCP packet walks in to a bar and says "I want a beer", barman says "you want a beer?", | * A TCP packet walks in to a bar and says "I want a beer", barman says "you want a beer?", | ||
* "Do you have the flux compensator I asked you for?" - "Yes, here you are." - A man walks into a bar to see a friend. | * "Do you have the flux compensator I asked you for?" - "Yes, here you are." - A man walks into a bar to see a friend. | ||
+ | * A neutrino walks into a crowded bar straight to the counter. "Sorry you have to queue up like anybody else." | ||
+ | * A man walks into a bar. " | ||
+ | * Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says "Those horse-face jokes are mean and insensitive. What' | ||
+ | * An infectious disease walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve infectious diseases here." And the infectious disease says, "Well you're not a very good host." | ||
+ | * Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here." And the bacteria says, "But we work here. We're staph." | ||
+ | * A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?" | ||
+ | * A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, " | ||
+ | * A Comic Sans font walks into a bar. The bartender says, " | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yeah, you can get this guy off my butt!" | ||
+ | * Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks. | ||
+ | * A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Do you want a long neck?" The giraffe says, "Do I have a choice?" | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Can I have a bag of helicopter flavor chips?" | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "What do you call that?", | ||
+ | * A pregnant woman walks into a bar, and is soon approached by a guy who says, "Can I sit here with you? She says, "No, I'm expecting someone." | ||
+ | * A book walks into a bar. The bartender says, " | ||
+ | * A giraffe walks into a bar. "High balls are on me!" | ||
+ | * A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar. | ||
+ | * Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" | ||
+ | * A leprechaun walks into a bar. The bartender serves him and says, " | ||
+ | * A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." and the mushroom says - "Why not? I'm a fungi." | ||
+ | * A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender "Hey, what's that all about?" | ||
+ | * An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?" | ||
+ | * A greyhound walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" | ||
+ | * A pony walks into a bar and coughs, "Hey, COUGH. Gimme a bu COUGH a beer COUGH. The bartender serves him and says, " | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!" | ||
+ | * A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" | ||
+ | * An old lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. A scraggly old drunk staggers over, takes one look, and says, " | ||
+ | * An old lady walks into a bar. A scraggly old drunk staggers over, takes one look, and says, " | ||
+ | * A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, " | ||
+ | * King Kong cums in a bar. Everybody swim for their lives. | ||
+ | * A man runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Give me ten shots of your best whisky." | ||
+ | * A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!" | ||
+ | * A woman goes into a bar and asks for a " | ||
+ | * A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, " | ||
+ | * A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road." | ||
+ | * A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" | ||
+ | * A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, " | ||
+ | * A man walks into a English pub and asks how much for a pint of Adenosine Triphosphate. The bartender says " | ||
+ | * After a long's day work, two termites crawl into a tavern for a drink. The tiredest one asks the waiter, "Is the bar tender, here?" The waiter answers, " I wooden know." His buddy, ticked off at the bad pun, beats him to a pulp, until the tired one passes out and starts to saw logs. | ||
+ | * A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: " | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." | ||
+ | * A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. " | ||
+ | * A bear walked into a bar and says, " | ||
+ | * A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, " | ||
+ | * A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, " | ||
+ | * Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. " | ||
+ | * Schrodinger' | ||
+ | * A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven' | ||
+ | * A cowboy walks into a bar. Upon leaving, he realizes that someone has painted his horse. The cowboy yells, "Which one of you painted my horse?" | ||
+ | * A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" " | ||
+ | * A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, "I just did that." The big guy then beats the little guy up. | ||
+ | * A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop." | ||
+ | * A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" | ||
+ | * A naked girl with really big breasts walks into a bar. Now everybody' | ||
+ | * A brain walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The barman says, " | ||
+ | * A crow walks into a bar wearing a pearl necklace. He orders a drink. " | ||
+ | * An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen! | ||
+ | * A snake walks into a bar. Waaaa? | ||
+ | * A Canadian guy walks into a bar, on the stool next to him is some footwear. The says to the bartender, " | ||
+ | * A drunk walks into a bar pulling a huge anchor chain. The bartender says, "What are you doing, dragging that huge chain into my bar?" The drunk says, "Did you ever try pushing one?" | ||
+ | * A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, " | ||
+ | * An inkjet cartridge walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you sure you don't need a refill?" | ||
+ | * A hooker walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you sure you don't need a refill?" | ||
+ | * A baseball walks into a bar, and the bartender throws him out. | ||
+ | * A Mormon walks into a bar. Wait, no. That will never happen. | ||
+ | * A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, " | ||
+ | * A urologist walks into a bar and sits down. " | ||
+ | * A dead battery walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Are you positive you want one?" the bartender asks. The dead battery answers, "Yep! and charge it too!" I An older gentleman walks into a bar with an attractive, 21 year old girlfriend on his arm. As he orders their drinks, bar patrons in yell " | ||
+ | * Infinity mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer. The bartender rolls his eyes and pours two beers and says, Here, you guys work it out. | ||
+ | * A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve superconductors here." The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance. | ||
+ | * A Higgs-Boson walks into a church. The priest says " | ||
+ | * A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve neutrinos in here." The neutrino says "Naw, I was just passing through." | ||
+ | * A doctor walks into the bar and orders an MRI. The bartender asks, " | ||
+ | * An astronaut walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and then peppers him with questions about his job. Finally, the frustrated space man says, "Heh! I'm trying to relax here! Give me a little space!" | ||
+ | * An fish walks into a bar and orders a scotch and water and tells the bartender to, "Hold the scotch, and bring it in a large bowl." | ||
+ | * A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work. | ||
+ | * A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, " | ||
+ | * A girl walks into a bar in the Castro section of San Fransico, wearing nothing but a smile, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender tells her, "you may want to cover up first." | ||
+ | * An electrician walks into a bar all amped up and is shocked when the bartender refuses him regular service. | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar right at quitting time and orders one drink after another. The bartender gets concerned and asks the guy, " | ||
+ | * An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" | ||
+ | * A spook and a skeleton both walk into a bar and order drinks. Right off the bartender refuses the skeleton service. "Heh, why me?" asks the skeleton. The barkeep relies, " | ||
+ | * A man walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he notices Van Gogh by the jukebox. He calls over, Hey, Van Gogh! Want a drink? and Van Gogh replies No, thanks. Ive got one ere. | ||
+ | * A woman walks into bar and sits next to a handsome man. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together, and go back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that a wall in his bedroom is completely filled with three shelves of soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears on three shelves carefully placed in rows and lovingly arranged. She is immediately touched by the amount of thought he had in organizing his collection, with the small bears on the bottom and the huge enormous bears along the top shelf. That such as large, masculine man should be so caring and sensitive it beyond belief. They share a bottle of wine and talk and after awhile, she thinks, 'Oh my God! maybe this is the one! The future father of my children?' | ||
+ | * A lesbian walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "We have a new liquor in today!" | ||
+ | * A really big Chia pet walks into a bar, and the bartender says, " | ||
+ | * An anagramist walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the clean fog?" | ||
+ | * A drunk walks into a bar and the bartender asks me what I want. | ||
+ | * Two vegetarians walk into a bar and order drinks. Pretty soon they start arguing loudly about beans, really, and the bartender steps into settle it. " | ||
+ | * Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies, "I think not", then disappeared. | ||
+ | * Heisenberg was also sitting at the bar. After Descartes vanished in a puff of smoke, the bartender walked over to him and asked, "Did you see that?" Heisenberg replied, "I can't be certain." | ||
+ | * The bartender then noticed Einstein was there. So he asked him if he could believe what had happened. Einstein replied, " | ||
+ | * Carl Sagan was there. He walked over to him and asked, "Can you believe that all these famous people are here in THIS bar?" Sagan replied, "No. Why, there must be BILLIONS and BILLIONS of bars out there." | ||
+ | * Meanwhile, Gustav Hertz was having such a great time, that he promised to return in the future at a much greater frequency. | ||
+ | * Robert Boyle commented that he thought everyone was under too much pressure to come up with an answer to what was happening. | ||
+ | * Erwin Schroedinger tried to explain that in the absence of an observer, Decartes left but at the same time did not leave. | ||
+ | * Alexander Volta disagreed stating there was a potential difference between his staying or going. | ||
+ | * James Watt had had a bad day and said he had come in just to let off a little steam. | ||
+ | * Charles Darwin was waiting to see what would evolve. | ||
+ | * Thomas Edison stated that he found the whole thing illuminating. | ||
+ | * Andre Ampere helped the bartender ascertain that all the statements were kept current. | ||
+ | * Eli Whitney said, "I believe I will have another gin." | ||
+ | * Sir Isaac Newton pondered the gravity of the situation. | ||
+ | * Robert Goddard said the situation was not rocket science. | ||
+ | * Archimedes didn't participate. He was out having a screw. | ||
+ | * Georg Ohm, though he resisted answering, did provide a tasty treat for the crowd. Everyone loved Ohm's Slaw. | ||
+ | * Max Karl Ernst Ludwig Planck thought it a constant drain of energy to contemplate the disappearance. | ||
+ | * Gaston Plante thought Descartes should be put in a cell for battery. | ||
+ | * William Sturgeon and Joseph Henry made a good gauss at where Descartes had gone. | ||
+ | * Johann Salomo, Christoph Schweigger, and Jacques Arsene d' | ||
+ | * Both Mr. and Mrs. Curie thought that Descartes had a radiating personality, | ||
+ | * Nicola Tesla re-coiled at the sight. | ||
+ | * A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, I'll have a martinus. The bartender asks him. Don't you mean martini? The man tells the bartender, Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them. | ||
+ | * An IPv4 address space walks into a bar: "A strong CIDR please, I'm exhausted." | ||
+ | * Three notes walk into a bar a G, an E flat, and a C. The bartender looks up and says, "We dont serve minors" | ||
+ | * A digger runs into a bar. But they don't serve minors. | ||
+ | * UDP packet walks into a bar. The bartender doesn' | ||
+ | * An Atom walks into a bar. He looks at the bartender and says, I just lost an electron, The bartender says, Are you sure? The Atom replies, Yeah, I'm positive | ||
+ | * Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve noble gases here." The helium doesn' | ||
+ | * An IR-Photon goes into a bar: "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" | ||
+ | * Guy walks into a bar and sits at a table. Tells the waitress, " | ||
+ | * A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads " | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last one in the and does the same. The bartender asks him, "Why did you do that?" And the guy replies, " Well the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!" | ||
+ | * A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor are sitting in a bar, across the street from a brothel. They are sipping their drinks when they see a rabbi walk in to the brothel. "Oy! It's awful to see a man of the cloth give into temptation", | ||
+ | * A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home. "Back in me pub in Glasgow," | ||
+ | * So a guy walks into a bar, looking really moody and orders immediately a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says: "You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the other guys in here only have compliments about your wife." | ||
+ | * A skunk walks into a bar and he says, "Hey where did everybody go?" | ||
+ | * A potato walks into a bar and all eyes were on him! | ||
+ | * Two guys are sitting at a bar. One guy says to the other, "Do you know that lions have sex 10 or 15 times a night?" | ||
+ | * A termite walks into a bar and says is the bartender here? | ||
+ | * A hamburger and a french fry walk into a bar. The bartender says, " | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar. There' | ||
+ | * What do you call a Bohemian that gets thrown out of a bar? - A bounced Czech | ||
+ | * A Monsanto sales guy walks into a bar. "Next round' | ||
+ | * A nonrenewable natural resource walks in to a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey. The bar tender says "sorry friend, I cant serve YOU; you have been getting wasted all day long!" | ||
+ | * So, Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Okay, I'll serve you a beer, just don't get any ideas." | ||
+ | * So.... a baby seal walked into a club... | ||
+ | * An amnesiac walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you today?" | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, " | ||
+ | * So Jesus walks into a bar and says, " | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he can show him something unbelievable, | ||
+ | * A guy walks into a bar and pulls a tiny grand piano out of his pocket. Then he pulls out a little guy who site down and begins to play. " | ||
+ | * Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!" | ||
+ | * Guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes" | ||
+ | * Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted. | ||
+ |